You always took my kindness for granted so I stopped showing it to everyone. Dad, you were the first man I ever loved. The last task in the green bathroom—finishing cutting the countertop for the second sink—should be done today. Not even on most of my birthdays. He found the very idea of you to be absurd. It's very enlivening; I feel like a fire horse all of the time. It's time I use these words to pull you and every other remarkable father into the light you so deserve to be seen in.
Maybe up the chimney is a good route. We have the space now. As a father, you taught so much more than a daughter could ever articulate. Now I believe my dad is a real father figure in my life. I just needed to vent. But I did also help the County select the platform on which we would run those mobile data computers. I know you are now a part of everything and I feel your love surround me with every breath I take.
I recently realized the true depth and breadth of your presence. My life has been a mess since that divorce. Thank you for coming to all my court dates and never letting me go to a group home. I remember when I was staying with you and I had school. To hear you say you love me and really mean it.
I know you to be a philosopher of sorts, a writer, an intellectual, a critic and a thinker of deep thoughts. The emotional static takes its toll. One day you'll walk me down the aisle to another man, chosen in the image of how you taught me to be loved. A child who dreamed of skyscrapers and safaris and everything beyond our townhouse fences. You were a real charmer. I always had to ask someone else for what I needed. This evil cares nothing for anyone but itself, and it is aided by a legal system that profits from the misery it causes between children and their fathers.
Anyway, the stone is in place, and Mother was very happy to see it, according to sporadic text messages from Susan. Unlike my mother who spent sleepless nights trying to get into my world and, ensure the highest quality of life for my siblings and I, my father sat on the sidelines doing his own fucking thing, usually only stepping in when he absolutely had to. Our day is divided into sections by bells. Be it a loose computer wire or hooking up the new home theater, you were the one who made sure I could work with tools even though I didn't need to. For me, to be the oldest out of six kids and me being still young is sad on your half.
But I wanted to write a letter first just to get acquainted. He wound up as President of Elon College. I had become very painfully aware of how different I was from my neurotypical peers. He works tirelessly for the rights of children and is a weekly columnist with this paper. One of the most critical understandings he can portray to the young eyes beaming up at him is the notion of how she should be treated. You are, after all, my dad. Yesterday I shared , some eight months before this one.
Why would you never care about what I would do? When I was on the cusp of choosing a career, you held my hand and told me to do what I wanted to. Mother, Susan and Charles are in North Carolina right now. She told me how to behave all the rest of my life, and especially how to behave towards the kind gentleman who is doing so much for me. Still, though, I thank you for all that I learned from our experiences. Fred, like you, was a man from the mountains whose life was all about education and learning.
Gears that turn too fast heat up and can be damaged. . He gives up every dime he has to spare to get me a lawyer. Anyway, I could go on… And why am I writing you a letter now, you might ask? I know that in my heart there is no love like the first love, and that part of me will always belong to my dad. You will always be my best friend, my greatest mentor, my motivation and my deepest roots. I guided mom through gentle breathing exercises while we sat in the waiting room.
You were a great friend, and a terrible father. The last few weeks have really drained my energy. I am proud that your story is a part of mine and that my story is a part of yours. My dad was so fucking proud of him and wasted no time bragging about him to others. So, like I said, what is a Dad? That one had to wait because we had to start using it. Six months ago was also the beginning of drama that would result in me being estranged from my father.
I forgive you, and I hope that you can forgive me. And I believe it to be so true. I still walk through life with that same amount of joy. You've held me tight and told me I could do anything. People will respect you only if you respect yourself. Someone, not long after you had departed, gave me a copy of your class confirmation photograph. You've always stood back and let me shine, only stepping in when I call for you knowing you can't be more than a short distance away.